Portal hopping and transit stops: Decolonizing our narratives

* in process of adding visuals to this text*



I've been visualizing and manifesting and too focused on the appearance that I've forgotten how I want to feel as if the material the matter matters and will fill the feel. A void.

Avoiding the thing that makes me tick

the thing I want the most but can't seem to make stick

so I fill up my belly with instant intimacy

instant coffee

but not love

a click to vibrate

instantly

but not love

a quick exchange of shifty energy

but not love

just a whole lot of what the fuck


I've become so transfixed

on the screen the in between- on creating a life that I've seen in my dreams

who knew being too realistic could kill your dreams?


I drew a card this morning

shuffled many times waiting for myself to mess up

waiting for one to just leave the deck and show itself!

SHOW YOURSELF

jump out and point out my flaws!

tell me who I REALLY am.


"BATHALA"

[Bathala is believed to have come from the Sanskrit Bhattara Guru or “the highest of the gods.” In Philippine mythology, the highest-ranking god of the ancient Tagalog people is Bathala, also known as or Maykapal or Abba. Bathala is the creator of all things — the sea, the sky, the earth, and all the plants.]


Filipinos say, "Bahala Na" the T silent. Meaning "let IT be" The cross silent. The God in us silenced.

Let God. Let us. Let nature.

Silenced.

Diminished

to a wooden cross. In place of what was lost..

ourselves. our nature. our land.


I've never pulled this card before.. trying to understand ..

why are you showing yourself to me.

and I read on and remember the story. my story. our story.


Bathala is God.


The story goes Bathala pierced the sky with a bolo knife creating life.

Giving the world a son/sun to us all.

The Divine Masculine energy in service to the Divine Feminine.

A leader. A bolo bearing warrior, a God. The Creator.


You know as controversial as Kanye is, for him to claim he's God- & he's not the first to do so,

imagine how terrified Colonizers were to realize they are Judas at the table.


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