A year ago I was invited to participate in the 30 day gratitude challenge. It was much needed during the beginning of the quarantine. I'm sharing my reflections on IG @thekaylamayproject. Today is the full moon in Libra and I'm felling a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. Of course shadows came up again yesterday. Also I'm feeling like I really need to stop drinking for a while..I
I don't like how it makes me feel anymore. Slowly but surely not cold turkey. Ok all the coffee thoughts are almost out. Quick updates and then I'll get to the meat of this blog-
We adopted a dog! Avatar Kyoshi
We started an artist ensemble
We're putting together a digital show
We're planning a live interactive performance
This full circle moment is brought to you by 2013 Kaylamay who was in an acting conservatory and upset with the institution while navigating heartache and grief. I spent late nights researching the world of every scene I was assigned, I read countless books to understand the history and given circumstances, I dreamed up a world where theater and protest intersected. Because that's why I loved performing. It felt like a protest- in this body with this voice and unique perspective. I knew it was meant to be hard if it was changing society's perspective. In 2014 Black Lives Matter was born and I was stuck in a conservative conservatory bubble trying to fit the mold of white theater. I was angry. I was confused. I didn't understand the politics at the time, but 2013 expectations from companies compared to now?! Lordt. People got away with a lot of caucasity. I was in a toxic environment almost completely unaware of the realities outside world. I could go into details about what was happening inside, but that's all in the past. People are trying to make amends now but for me, too little too late. All I know is the real one stuck and the fake ones dropped.
In 2016 I move home and caught up with all I left behind. I began my unlearning journey and home magnified my own toxic traits. I tried to do the conventional thing. Get an agent, begin working, hustle. After 2 years of the musical theater and occasional "this feels right!" project I was inspired to begin telling my own story. Inspired by the weird and awesome work Awesome Theatre was producing and Issa Rae's "Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl" in 2017 "Expressive AF(k)*" was born. At 25, I said Bye Belinda (to my agent who decided sending me out for Latinx characters was historically accurate) and went fun throttle with Villagekidz Productionz - a small collective of artist, conceived by myself and a friend from grade school. My Mama's sudden stroke, and my journey to Oregon for Penguin Productions lead to more creative energy. I would stay up late hanging out in the hazelnut orchard drunk on dry cider praying for a partner and a revolutionary love under the Newberg sky completely unaware that my energy was attracting people into my life for that purpose. With good grief comes good trouble and with good trouble follows good change. Well the collective didn't last very long due to the inconsistency and lack of leadership and collective vision. Which at that time, in the middle of the Make America Great again era was fueled by fear. All of these experiences lead me to this full Mo(on)ment today. 2017- I reached out to Ed hoping he could help me tell my story. In 2018- I auditioned for school again thinking that's what I needed- but accepted the latter and accepted my high school dream job working for a non profit dance theater company, In 2019- I began to dive deeper into my story with "The Kaylamay Project" and stepped into this new/real reality that 2014 Kaylamay was missing. 2020- we moved to NY after 3 years of LA to Bay commuting. Everything happens for a reason. Whenever something good or too good to be true happens I retrace my steps. I guess that's what this entry is about today. Same story different lens same dream. So grateful for all the people I've met in the past 5 years!! The quotes that I keep coming back to are:
"“No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
and then of course "Que sera, sera"